Changes

I am not going to feel bad that although I wanted to post at least 2 times a week. Life got in the way. Since it's been a month since I posted I'll share why. The first weeks I was getting all my doctor appointments done for 3 months at least anyway. I then packed by bags and cooked up some meals ahead, and stayed with my Mother-in-law for 16 days and 15 nights. Father-in-law was in Paris for business and extended his stay to sight see. MIL has stage 4 liver cancer. I took her to her appointments. On the first one I got a speeding ticket :( Just found out that today. I was driving 62 in a 50 zone. The ticket it for $219. The worst part was we were almost to were we were to be and I got caught. That was on March 28. Which led to appointments on March 30th and 31st. On April 3 Pat drove. MIL's and her other 2 children and me to the last appointment. The doctor told us there was nothing more they could do. I had a strong feeling he was going to say this from what he didn't say on the 30th. I helped her get a wheel chair and took her to get her hair done. It was hard for me to hear her tell Angie (the hairdresser) this would be the last time she would see her. There was nothing I wouldn't to to help MIL. I did somethings I really shouldn't have been able to do. But God gave me the strength to do it. FIL came home the evening of Saturday, April 7th. The next day was Easter. We celebrated all a whole family minus Joseph who could not get off work. MIL tired fast. I went over to my in-laws house on Monday. I arranged for hospice care. She was in so much pain, it broke my heart. Tuesday the hospice care administer came. Wednesday the hospice nurse came and so did the doctor. They started her on morphine and stress medicine, then the doctor ordered steroids, O2, and a breathing treatment machine. MIL let me help her take a shower. Thursday it was hard to get her up. After she tried to walk for 20 minutes with the walker and only took 2 tiny baby steps, I asked her if I could please get the wheel chair for her. I wheeled her out to the nurse, and she sat in her chair for a bit. She was up for only 2 hours. I made her a strawberry smoothy, took a few sips and ate 4 bites by spoon. Drank 3 sips of coffee, before laying down. She slept all afternoon and evening. We had a party for Pat's birthday which was on Wednesday and Aunt Kate who's birthday was Friday. Mom slept and was in pain. Friday when I got to my in-laws, Mom was in a lot of pain. The nurse had just gotten there and agreed with me. I gave Mom her morphine. which relaxed her. The nurse had to straight cath. Mom since it had been over 24 hours with out peeing. A lot came out. The nurse had to go to the office to get a folly to put in. While she was gone. The Aide came and I helped her bathe Mom. She was in a lot of pain. I gave her more morphine and gave her a breathing treatment. The nurse came back and after looking at Mom's feet she called me over to show me the purple colorization started on Mom's toes, then we looked at her knees same thing. I had noticed the knees when we were bathing her. The nurse asked me if I knew what that meant. No, so she told me Mom is actively dying, come on we need to tell the guys. It was very hard sitting in the group knowing and waiting for everyone to sit down. I went right away to sit with Mom, Mark came in a few minutes later he after he started calling Pat and Mary. Mark and I cried over Mom and prayed. I had to keep trying to get Pat. I finally got through and told him to come now. I called his Fry's to let them know he wouldn't be in. In a little while I sent Charlie to pick up Sarah and Rachel., and Marlene went to get Joseph. Ryan was able to make it. All the children and grandchildren, Father-in-law, Mom's 2 sisters and a brother-in-law were with her as she took her last breath on earth and first breath in heaven at 9:35PM. I felt lead to pray over the body. And in order of how long we knew Mom we said our good-bys. Aunt Rose and Aunt Kate were first followed by Father-in-law. Pat and our family was next since Pat is the oldest child. Mary and her family next, and Mark and his family last. Mom was born on her oldest brother's birthday and died on her youngest sister's birthday.

Have a penny pick it up...

all day long you'll have good luck. Remember that as a kid? and if it's heads up is better? Today I found a penny (heads up) on the gym locker room floor. I wasn't sure what to pray for. OK, that in itself convicted me that I should be praying more. The list of concerns is great. The first thought I had was I hope the creepy old man (he's 85 years old and thinks he is in love with me) is not there. I knew his truck was in the parking lot, but I was hoping he was just in the locker room changing and I wouldn't see him today. He drives me a little crazy with his "love". God did answer that prayer and I didn't have to deal with him today. Lots of other things went though my head after I got that first one out of the way. I spent my workout time in prayer today. Thankful for that penny. I didn't take it when I left but moved it into a locker hopefully it will bless someone else today in some way.

Hair, Kidney and Chemo

Today was my hair appointment. I asked them to take it off. It hurt a lot. The front of my head is really hurting. It is red and raw. I asked Pat to go with me for support. They did give me adhesives so if I want to reapply it like for an evening out or whatever I could. The hair is mine. It just won't be stuck to my head 24x7. I won't be trying that until my head heals. I am so disappointed in this whole thing. I won't have to go back unless I want to and then it would be $95 each time I go in. I doubt I will ever go back. I saw mt kidney doctor yesterday and my left kidney that was only working at 30% 9 months ago is working now at 84%. The doctor was really pleased, and I won't have to see him for a year. The only bad part about the visit was my potassium and magnesium are low. I already was taking potassium now I have to take more, and I have to take magnesium too. More drugs. UGH. Pat and I were talking about this on the way to the hair place how frustrated I feel to have to take more and more pills each day. If I didn't have one thing wrong with me, which led to blood work and CT scans and MRI's I would never know I have all these things wrong with me. Which I guess is good. But still I take a large handful of drugs in the morning and a little smaller handful at night. I don't think Pat has had any type of blood work, or CT, MRI's, or even an X-ray in the almost 20 years we have been married. Not that I want him to be sick, because really I don't but it would be OK, with me if he had one prescription drug he could take with me! My Mother-in-Law started her cancer treatments yesterday. The pill that has a lot of side affects and chemo. She sounded pretty chipper last night and so far was feeling good. Hopefully she'll have a high tolerance for the chemo and not get sick.

Very, Very, Very Dissappointed

Way back in January, the 9th to be exact. Pat went with me to a place called The Hair Club. I have been more and more frustrated in my hair or lack of for 14 years. Over the past 6 months it has gotten worse. I wanted to try something to restore my hair or pieces added to my hair to cover up the bald spots. Because I don't have the right root system or enough hair that a hair transplant would not work for me. They showed us a hair system that would be added to my natural hair and cover up the balding areas. It took weeks for my new hair to come in. Last Tuesday I went and had it put on, It is one piece that sits on top of my head, and it was glued on, with some adhesives to secure it down. I loved it, Pat loved it, the kids mostly loved it. I think it was just hard for them to see their Mama with hair. The next day I went back to The Hair Club for them to check everything. That's when I get hit with $353 a month to keep the hair looking good all the time. The hair falls out of the hair piece and will need replaced every 3-4 months if I am careful. They never told us that. What they did tell us is every 4-6 weeks I would have to go to have it worked on. For $95 dollars each visit I (we) just assumed that they would add pieces to keep it looking good. We had no idea that the whole head of hair would need replaced. We could but another head piece when we need it for $1500 each time or join their program for $353 a month which would include the 4-6 week visits, 4 heads of hair, 4 chemical enhancements. But of course does not cover the hair products you have to use, which would be over $100 a month. I have been so upset. I just feel ripped off. I just want to feel better about myself. And not feel embarrassed all the time. I can't tell you how many people have asked my if I have cancer, it is so horrible. There is no way we could pay $353 a month well really more like $453 on hair, and even if we could I don't think I could live with myself with such a high amount just for my vanity. I have to go back on Wednesday and I asked Pat to come with me, I want the hair off my head I don't want any damage to my real hair. Pat and I ordered a wig which I am going to try. Wigs last about 3-6 months depending how often you wear it. Buying a wig or 2 every 6 months is way cheaper than this Hair Club mess we got ourselves into. I just want to cry,

March forward!

It's hard to believe today is the 61st day of 2012. Feels like a blink of an eye. Back on December when I was blogging about Christmas memories, I had looked for a scrapbook I gave to Pat early in our marriage. In it I had recorded how we had spent all our anniversaries and Christmas's all the years we have been married. I had kept it up until year 9. I couldn't find it. Pat finally located it about a week ago. Since then I have been been searching old diaries, the blog, and cards to figure out how we have spent our anniversaries and Christmas's. I found the answers to everything except, Christmas 2001 and our 16th and 17th anniversaries. I do think one of those anniversaries we celebrated at dinner at The Melting Pot, but I don't know which year and if we did anything else. That was just a few years ago. How can I (OK we, cause I asked Pat too) not remember. It got me thinking how sad it was that I can't remember these "big" days. What about all those little things that happen everyday. How many memories am I going to wish I could remember to tell the kids and my grandchildren someday? Awhile ago I was thinking, "Wow I really don't blog much any more", and I haven't kept a diary for 6 years. At that time I justified that the kids are not little any more and they don't say or do the cute little stuff any more, so there really isn't anything to blog. Well, what about just the ordinary? Aren't those things worth remembering? I think so. I am going to try my hardest to blog at least 2 times a week. Because my memory won't be around forever, but hopefully written words on a blog on the WWB will be.

It's been awhile :(

I think about posting often, but I don't I wish my kids were younger and said or did cleaver things for me to post about. Now they don't want me to blog about them at all :( Which may not always keep me from blogging about them I am after all their Mom and I love them and have the right to brag or complain about them! Sarah celebrated her 15th birthday by having her first boy/girls party. They were nice kids,, but I didn't like the boy who had his arms around my daughter. Rachel had her 12th birthday party a few days later. Hello Kitty. Those 7 12 year olds were loud all night long! Tomorrow will be Valentine's Day, but my Valentine has to take me out tonight, because Rachel will be the only one home tomorrow night if we go out. We are going to go bowling I hope it's fun! Added to say after our date- it is really hard to go bowling during the week after 5 PM, finally at the 3rd bowling alley we tried we were able to bowl 2 games :) It was so much fun! I am so glad I remembered to take extra pain medicine or it wouldn't have been as much fun. After we bowled we went to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. It's been a long time since we've been there. Stuffed mushrooms there are totally yummy, and the French Salad was sooo good. The turtle cheese didn't let me down either! Very fun night!!!!

Sickness

My Mother-in-law has been dignosed with liver cancer. Pat and I met with her last night to hear what the doctor's are going to do for treatment. She will probably have chemo, surgery is not an option for her, the doctor she saw at the Mayo clinic was not a cancer doctor I'm guessing he is a liver type doctor. He is trying to get her in to see a cancer doctor this week or beginning of next week before the chemo treatments start. The cancer is in both the left and right part of her liver. She appears symptom free right now. There is no cure for liver cancer. She seemed pretty upbeat last night. Rachel woke this morning with pink eye. She has been fighting cold like symptoms for about a week. I took her to The Little Clinic and n0t only does she have pink eye, she has a double ear infection. My throat has been hurting all day, along with a headache.